New Orleans VooDoo Tryouts

I was listening to AM 690, the rival radio station of 870 AM, perhaps it was the Kaare (Corey) Johnson show when I heard the VooDoo were having a tryout. I said well damn, let me live out my dream of playing QB. It’s only $60.  I worked out at the gym for a total of two sessions Wednesday then Thursday before I went on Saturday.

I showed up to the stadium and saw about 100 other athletes who appeared out of nowhere. We paid the coaches, took a picture, got our numbers, and our T-shirts that said “New Orleans Voodoo.” Why don’t they say, “New Orleans Voodoo Tryout/Practice Squad/Beast/Intern/Recruit/Fuckin…whatever. No they only said New Orleans Voodoo like I was a fan but I want it to be known that I’m a fuckin beast because I tried out for the Voodoo! Anyway, the coach gave us a little pep talk saying, “Yeah, we’re all here to work hard and have a good time. Now we are looking for the greatest athletes; those who have been working out a long time not some bum who got off the couch.” I almost said, “Hey leave us part-time couch potatoes the fuck alone!”

The tryout started off with two 40 yard dashes which used this shitty technology (athleticperformancetesting.com) that made everyone’s times slow as Roman Harper when he got run down by the Rams’ QB Sam Bradford. How pitiful was that shit lol:

After we ran two 40 yard dashes, we did the 5, 10, 5 shuttle drill which my time sucked as well. I had soreness in my legs from working out that Thursday. I couldn’t shake the soreness so I was slow. The next drill allowed for me to redeem myself. The coaches took out the balls and we began to throw some “Pat n Go.” I was able to showcase my throwing ability with the receivers running seams/streaks at about half speed. Next we threw some routes to receivers. Out of six QBs I was in the top 3. A guy who looked like Trent Dilfer  5’11″was throwing the shit out the ball as well as a dark skinned dude 5’10” whose passes had to register in the 80 mphs. I, on the other hand, slung the ball like a champ too. We had a chance to learn the arena gave which is pretty different from the pro NFL game. The field is much more narrow only 29 or so yards, receivers do not shuffle in their breaks they round out the routes, motion man dictates the snap count, and whole bunch of other shit that you can look up yourself.

At the conclusion, i dapped and hugged the coach and told him that I was appreciative of the opportunity. He was a nice guy even though the whole thing was a subtle scam in my opinion. This is how much money they made:

Revenues

Price: $60 x 96 participants = $5760

Expenses

T-shirts: $7 * 96 = $672

Stadium Rental: $500

Malfunctioning Gauge Rental: $800

Coaches: $100 * 5 = $500

Profit

$5760 – ($500+$500+$800+$672) = $3288 in cold hard cash.

Nice little fundraiser. I expect the Voodoo to contact three or four people to sign one or two. If the Voodoo is this damn hard, I wonder how hard the Saints tryout will be in a few months.

Here is me running the 40 yard dash: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-In69VRtvc0

Also, if you look at number 3647, you can see my slow ass embarrassment of a time: http://www.aflvoodoo.com/news/news/index.html?article_id=416

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